I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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