My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
