just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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