I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
