apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
My ATM looks so different sober.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
