She said her name was "party"
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
