Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
