I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
