There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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