whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
