I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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