They should really pass out barf bags in church
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
