And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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