I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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