YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
