I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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