Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
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Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
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Liz is crying about burritos again.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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