morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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