Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
