I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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