is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
