i need an iv and a liver transplant
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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