DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
