he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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