There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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