I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
