When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
