Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
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fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
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I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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