What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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