Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
