I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
