So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
