I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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