you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
