and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
