Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Randomize
