I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
My feet surprised me
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