I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
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