I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I fill condoms, not promises.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
