Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
