Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
