I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
