glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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