Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
