She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize