Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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