She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
