This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
do nipples grow back?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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