what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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