Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
My liver is preforming stress tests.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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