I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
