i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
worst night to have a conscience
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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