So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
