I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
