I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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