I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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