I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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