How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
