No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
