Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I supernannyed him into submission
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
