There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
