i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
