I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
