when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Sext me about skeletons
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize