dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
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I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
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Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
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