"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
