Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
