I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
i now understand why vodka
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
