White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i will never coherently bang her
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
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