Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
All the doctor said was why
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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