And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
