Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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