My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
