bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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